Today is a very special post and the first of its kind. I have invited my dear friends Melinda and Christie to guest blog about a groundbreaking event they attended (no, not Obama’s victory speech, BETTER) Disclaimer: It is long, but worth every single second of your time. Here we go (I wanted to do a Gawker style “after the jump” but I could not figure out how):

This weekend we attended the event of a lifetime. It wasn’t the Oscars, nor the Kennedy Center Honors, and not even Sundance. Those are so L.A., D.C., and… Utah, ew! This weekend we attended an event so quintessentially New York you wouldn’t be able to find it anywhere else. You guessed it, we went to The Ultimate Gossip Girl Summit! Held at The PIT, the Summit was the self-described “hyper-hilarious, super-intellectual panel discussion/fan party” that any diehard GG fan would love: an evening of parody videos, critical analysis of the brilliant ground-breaking drama, prizes, cupcakes, and gift bags!! LottieB was murderously jealous, understandably so, and asked that we guest-blog about our experience. It only seemed appropriate to do a Recap, with a capital R. (We figure Reality Indices must be left to the geniuses at nymag. But lets give ourselves a +10 anyway.) OK, so!

 

The Summit was moderated by the delightful Sara Benincasa, a Blair Waldorf-obsessed comedian and writer. She had a panel of about 15 comedians, bloggers and other young media types assembled to share their un-ironic love for and insight on those zany Upper East Siders with the spirited audience. As we filed in and took our seats (second row- woot!), we noticed that many others in the crowd had dressed up Constance Billiard-style, so our potential embarrassment over our headbands and plaid subsided. The crowd was about 90% chicks, 10% queens, as to be expected. Even the most doting of boyfriends wouldn’t be caught dead there. Cupcakes were handed out (seasonal flavors too- pumpkin, yum!) and we checked out our giftbags, which were meh.

 

Benincasa started off the night by warming up the crowd, telling us right away that we were in for a VERY exciting Special Guest, hardly able to contain her visible excitement, touting the Guest as the most amazing side-kick in the history of all time. After our brief flash of vain hope for Chace Crawford to come in and plant kisses on each of our heaving bosoms, we came back down to earth from the spank bank. Christie whispered an incredulous “Nelly Yuki!?” to Melinda, but no, even though it may be hard to believe, they delivered someone even better than the ultimate outsider-cum-ultimate insider. It was… DOROTA!

 

After the screams of delight and a standing-O, Dorota sat down for a few minutes with Benincasa and her co-host, Diana Saez, while they alternately showered her with praise and hammered her with questions like, “Is Blake Lively really a huge bitch?” and “How gorgeous are all of them in person?” Although she demurred like a lady from saying anything negative about anyone, she did say that being around Leighton, Blake, Chace, etc. is “like being in a room full of angels” because they’re all so perfectly beautiful. Um, duh! She was totally adorable and gracious, attended Barnard and Harvard, is from Indiana and has no accent in real life. Sorry former-Soviet-bloc-country-that-wishes-you-had-Dorota! She’s ours and we’re not giving her back. They then presented her with a “Lifetime Achievement Award,” no explanation necessary, and gifted her a tiara, a leopard-print headband, and a vibrator shaped like an ear of corn, as a nod to her good ol’ mid-western upbringing. She turned bright red and was clearly embarrassed, but she TOTES deserved it for the guilt she try to lay on B a few weeks ago. That was weak Dorota, real weak. But we forgive you since you gave the crowd a hearty and breathy, “Mees Blair.” Always a crowd pleaser! She sat in the audience for the rest of le Summit, which was pretty cool of her, about an arm’s length from Melinda.

 

pic-11Benincasa, Zuzanna “Dorota” Szadkowski, Saez”

 

Next they showed two parody videos done by a few of the panelists. You can view them here and here. Pretty funny! Serena (played by panelist and serious look alike Heather Fink) and Dan are the stand-outs, and Benincasa does a great Blair voice, but the portrayals of Chuck and Nate were a bit lacking. Alas, it is understandably difficult to mimic the electric bromance that is Ed and Chace, so we’ll let this one go.

OK! Finally they brought in the panelists! A handful of no-names (to us anyway), but among them were bloglebrities (celebloggers?) Chris Rovzar and Jessica Pressler! And Richard Lawson! Our heads exploded! Chris and Jessica write the brazilliant weekly Gossip Girl Recap/Reality Index for nymag.com’s blog the Daily Intelligencer. If you don’t already read the Index religiously, stop whatever you’re doing and read every post in the archives. Now.

pic-21Chris and Jessica flanked by whocares and whatserface. Notice Dorota giggling in the foreground! That’s how close she was to us! Swoon!

Also, like we mentioned, Richard Lawson of the Gawker Media family was there. Richard rose up in the ranks of the flagship blog from the staggeringly prolific commenter “lolcait” to become a full-time staff writer. He’s now known for his inspired recaps on pretty much every show Melinda and Christie guiltily watch, including a weekly GG one, obs! And although Richard was a lil drunk we loved him anyway. He revealed to the crowd a few juicy morsels, like the fact that he sits in his underwear all day long as he works, wishes that the writers would throw their huge gay following a bone (heh) and show Eric “bare-back fucking” (yikes! homie’s like 14!), and that he’s never seen an ep of GG sober. We smell a drinking problem! Loves it!

Also in attendance were-surprise!-the author and editor of the Gossip Girl books! ZOMG! They were also presented with awards, Cecily von Ziegesar for authoring of the books that begot the Best Show of All Time, and her editor for “literary midwifery.” They were given delightful little trinkets like penis-shaped erasers, pubic hair dye, and frankincense & myrrh, natch. They seemed amused with the whole thing, but made some defensive “the TV show is nothing like the book!” remarks, which didn’t really fly with a room of people who were there because they are obsessed with the show. They both had that UES mass-of-frizzy-blond-hair, shiny-post-facelift look, which was approp, considering. Sort of like a more harried Lily van der Woodsen Bass but not nearly as pretty. Sorry Cecily! Get a normal name and we’ll talk.

Benincasa posed different questions to the panel, and they went around commenting and bantering about heady subjects like best/worst thing about the second season of Gossip Girl and favorite moment of all time. They were limited to 30 seconds each, and when Benincasa implored the crowd for a time-keeper, Dorota, being her ever-helpful self, volunteered! We can always count on you, Dorota. Some highlights included likening Rufus to Duncan Shiek/Deep Blue Something, mass adoration of Chace Crawford’s nipples, mass disapproval of Blake Lively’s dewily ubiquitous décolletage, Jenny’s crumple-face cry, and Richard’s desperate and unrelenting wish for Dan and Nate to become gay lovers.

To top off the evening, Benincasa presided over a “Battle of the Bloggers” among the Gossip Girl bloglebrities: nymag’s Chris & Jessica, Gawker’s Richard, Time Out New York blogger Amy Plitt, and the lesser known Jen Kwok (search for her on facebook to access her fun blog). They were all given a little time to plead their case, for which Chris and Jessica were adorably prepared (gosh their chemistry is precious!), while Richard rambled drunkenly, telling the crowd to just vote for Chris and Jessica since he was going to lose anyway. But! An upset! Judging by a show of applause, Richard was declared the winner! He was duly crowned:

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Sigh, it was a lovely evening. Happily, we swallowed our pride and asked Dorota for a picture, to which she gladly obliged! We will be back for Season 3’s Summit; it’s bound to become Our Oldest Tradition!

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 xoxo Gossip Girl

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