Every week Kathleen and I have a special date in which we watch the Real Housewives of NYC and discuss how Alex is smart, Jill is gaudy, Ramona has crazy eyes, etcetc. Now that the NYC season has ended we’ve moved on to Dirty Jerz, which is even more cheesy, but what can I say, I.LOVE.IT.

So, it was much to my excitement when I learned today on Gawker that Bravo just announced a Real Housewives of Washington DC. Ever since Obamie came to office DC is apparently “trendy” (I beg to differ), but hey, this will be awesome, according to the press release:

A place for power and politics, Bravo is scouting the D.C. area to identify the city’s alluring and discriminating residents, those women who have their pulse on the most important cultural events, political galas, gallery openings and fundraisers in Washington society. These leading members of D.C. society are in the know and comfortable discussing everything from the economy to high fashion. They are the talk of the town in the most powerful city in the world.

Here is what I think, first off, there’s NO WAY any real power players wives will actually be able to be on this show, they would not submit themselves to that. I mean look at the “characters” from episodes past, nobody of real importance is on the show, Kelly Beensomeone? I mean COME ON. Plus, DC doesn’t really have many cool soirees, been there done that, unless it’s me, Barack, Michelle and Hedi and Spencer out for a night of dancing at Marvin’s, it ain’t that cool. So, here is my idea of who the characters will be. Enjoy and please know that this is all fictional and funny, I’m not really trying to stereotype DC…

Foreign Diplomats Wife: A foreign hottie who has been in the USA long enough to know about the show. This will be a leap for BRAVO, but necessary given DC is such a totally cool mixing pot!  Probably from a South American Country or Persian, but will be totally hot and have big hair (if Persian will be liberal and no veil,obvs). The fact that her husband is a “diplomat” will be VERY played up (think Count and Countess from NYC), but he’ll probably hold a position of minor importance, such as the receptionist. That said she will have 1 to 2 young children enrolled in the Washington International School, Macomb Street Campus, and will probably live in a rented house in the Cleveland Park/Van Ness area on a side street. Will film scenes at Zatinya because she is friends with the Chef (they met in ESL class) and go to benefits at embassies and will most def drive a car with a “Diplomat” license plate and mention it every chance she gets.

dip lic

McLean Mom: Husband is high up in the Government and will lead viewers to believe he has some high clearance job, maybe at the CIA, but will really just work for OPM or HUD. Graduated from JMU or Radford (side note, is that REALLY a college website, Gheeettooo) and lives in a large McLean McMansion next to Colin Powell or a Saudi Prince and will go to exclusive soirees at said houses. Def has met Obama (ie got to shake his hand at a free rally in Fairfax that she waited 6 hours to attend) and went to one of the inaugural balls. She won’t stop talking about it, even though balls are cash bar and Obama stayed at each for 5 minutes. Children are High School age and go to Langley, defiently has son who plays Lacrosse (will film a scene at a game). And OMG she will be on the board of some charity and throw a soiree that Reps from the 63rd district of IL and other obscure politicians attend. Diplomat’s Wife will try and invite cool ambassadors, but they will decline.

Chevy Chase Princess: Comes from Old Money, but Richard from Gawker will make up awesome stories about her that rival Luanne’s escapades in the early 80’s. She was born and raised in Chevy Chase and lives on a very lovely street near Bloomingdales and Saks in a house her parents bought for her when she married high school sweetheart from St. Albans (she went to NCS, obvs) who also came from money and works at family lobby shop (think Ramona’s hubs, but a lobbyist instead of  jewelry designer). Actually does have some cool connections and got invited to a party at the White House once, so that they will be able to film an episode there (probably during the Christmas open-house that the Dems will actually get to attend this year and gawk at Michelle’s non-denominational holiday decorations). Has a few kids who also attend NCS and St. Albans and is VERY active on the PTA’s of both. Will probably be asked to step down from them once on the show, but Kathleen CAN’T WAIT to see them filming at least one scene near the Cathedral.

Georgetown “Scenester” Wannabe: This will be the one single lady on the show and will probably live in a trendy apartment in an “up and coming” neighborhood (ie Anacostia or the H St Ghetto). She has actually done pretty well in her career, first starting out as a hill staffer and now working for a media outlet of sorts, probably in a upper management role, but not an exec of course, or how else would she have time to be on the show and sleep with powerful men? Had an affair with a Senator or other politician when she first moved to DC after graduation, but didn’t get a book deal because Jessica Cutler already beat her to the punch. However, she does have a cool blog, which is how Bravo producers found her. Definitely dates some rich DC dudes and has def slept with Michael Saylor and is friends with K St Kate (who will probably weasle her way into some scenes since she is like so important and was Ms. DC  2003 or something) and Pamela of the Punch. Wannabe will def take us to some of the totes cool parties both ladies review on their blogs, such as Fashion for Paws (I just threw up in my mouth). Also was a frequent attendee of the Gryphon Room (until she got kicked out when they realized she was 37) and has been on “The List” at Smith’s Point for like 6 years. Will definitely be filmed out on a date at the Rookery.

Alexandria Poser: The most insignificant of the bunch. Got on to the show because she worked with Georgetown Scenester 5 years ago (as her assistant). Now is a “working” mom and has two young kids who go to (gasp) public school in Alexandria. Shops on King Street, Pentagon City and Tyson’s Galleria (but only when there is a sale) and mostly at Loehmann’s in Falls Church. Does have a fun group of Alexandria friends and a nanny who are on the show every once in awhile drinking margaritas in their Alexandria backyards. Hot husband, but thinks she’s still 25 and accidentally gets too drunk at the White House party which makes Chevy Chase Princess supes mad and they get in a fight over lunch at Carlyle Grand in Arlington and she is just like “evs.” Works from home for a Government Contractor, husband just plays a lot of golf. Her and Georgetown Scenester will most def take a weekend trip to Dewey Beach and try to make it exclusive, but it will fail miserably and episode will be cut.

I CAN’T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!