Today I’m catching up on Richard’s recaps of the Real Housewives of NJ and NYC on Gawker and I just came across my favorite line. I love how he mixes European history in with reality TV. Thanks Richard for always making me laugh.

This part is a recap of Real Housewives NY when the girls are in the Virgin Islands and Kelly Crazy Killoren Beensomeone comes into her room and discovers Bethenny has left her a giftbag (she gave them to everyone) and Kelly just starts crying and calls Jill Famewhore Zarin to complain, enjoy!

Yes, she started crying. She just couldn’t handle being so crazy anymore, so she cried. And then she called Jill. Here are some factual things about Bethenny that Kelly said to Jill on the phone:

  • “Bethenny has knives in her mouth.” Yes, all chefcooks have this.
  • “I have dreams where Bethenny is going ree-ree-ree and making stabbing motions.” That is not a dream and it isn’t Bethenny, it is you Kelly, right now. It was Kelly, in the bedroom, with the ree-ree hand.
  • “Bethenny shot the Archduke Ferdinand.” Warn the duke!
  • “I have a terrible case of spiderbrain.” While not actually having to do with Bethenny, this is entirely true.

Jill being Jill, she was like, “Oh yeah, shuah. Bethenny is gonna shoot the duke but you know what? That’s just Bethenny. I told you not to go on that trip.” Kelly rattled on the bed and said “I knowww…..” and wept some more. What was Kelly weeping about? Why was Kelly weeping? Well, you have to understand that to understand what happened next.

Please someone warn the poor Archduke! Happy Friday.